As They Exist
by sweetestmisery19
Summary: Alice returns to Wonderland only to find that a part of her never left. With this new revelation, Alice must learn to see the color in a newly colorless world. Will she be able to piece herself back together before it's too late? Alice/Hatter with a twist
1. The Beginning

Could reality really be relative to the individual? Was it possible that what is real to one person could not be real to another? It is certainly a fact that two people seeing the same incident will tell the story two different ways. It is just about how it is perceived; yet the two people telling these two different stories believe whole-heartedly that their version of the story is correct. How strange then to think that the world is sharing a reality, yet at the same time, that very reality isn't real at all.

With those thoughts in mind, we meet with the heroine of our story. On this particular day, Alice Liddell is completely unaware of the notion of reality being relative. She will find in time, however, that this particular concept will have great significance to her life, maybe even save it if truth were told. That revelation, however, is part of her near-distant future and is asked to be forgotten by the reader for now. At this moment Alice is simply Alice, and that is really all that is important.

Alice was not exactly in a favorable mood. Even though the sun was shining, birds were singing, and the sky was bright blue, Alice was upset, terribly irritable, and simply angry. She knew that there was no cause for such anger. In fact, she was being quite childish. Still, Alice couldn't quite shake that little stir of rage in her stomach every time she thought of what her mother and sister had planned for her.

She had been informed earlier that week that there was to be a grand party in her honor. It was Alice's sixteenth birthday, and as her mother had said, every young lady deserves a lavish party on such a wonderful occasion. She, however, did not feel that it was such a wonderful occasion. To her, it meant another year older and one more step closer to marriage and the chains that with it came.

"Why didn't you tell me about this before?" Alice had asked. She had been seated in the downstairs parlor with her mother and sister. They were both bubbling with excitement, but Alice looked as if she had just seen a ghost. "You must have been planning this for several weeks."

"Oh, Alice," her sister had chimed in. "We both know how you feel about parties. You would never have let us carry on with all this. "

"Then, you shouldn't have planned it at all if you knew how I felt!"

"Now, Alice," her mother had said." There is no reason for you to be upset. I know you'll thank us for this later."

Her mother had been terribly wrong. Alice was no closer to thanking her for the party than she was to kissing a frog. She hated the whole situation, and she had unsuccessfully tried to avoid the whole thing. It was rather useless, however, for her sister had taken it upon herself to make sure Alice would be every vision of loveliness for her special day.

Why, that very morning her sister had practically danced into her bedroom carrying several white boxes. Her green eyes had sparkled with excitement as she dumped them all onto Alice's bed and started ripping them all open. She then proceeded to pull out a large ball gown and gloves and hairpins and every other thing that is needed when going to a party. She kept giggling and gushing at how lovely everything would be as Alice tried to pull her large, white comforter back over her head.

"Isn't this just delightful?" she had kept asking. "Oh, Alice, dear, you'll look absolutely stunning."

"I don't want to look stunning," Alice had mumbled.

Her sister had just ignored her.

Now, Alice wondered how she would ever survive the coming event. It's not that she didn't like all parties. Some were actually rather fun, but she wanted nothing to do with one in her honor. It just seemed silly, and she would rather have spent her birthday happily alone with only her family for company. She also had the sinking feeling that this party was not just for her birthday.

For several months, her mother had been casually hinting at the idea of engagement. Her sister had been engaged for sometime, and her mother felt that it was time for Alice to follow the same path. Even if she were younger by a few years, how grand it would be for both daughters to be engaged!

Alice had also noticed, that as of late, several gentlemen callers seemed to be very present in the Liddell household, William Fortsworth being the most prominent. He was their guest at dinner quite often, and he joined Alice for afternoon tea in the parlor every Thursday. In the beginning, Alice had paid no attention to this for she felt that it would not last for very long; however, as the weeks passed, she began to worry quite frequently that he would not disappear anytime soon. She now had a terrible suspicion that he would be at her party with intentions that did not match her own.

"Why couldn't I be more like my sister?" she said to no one in particular.

Her sister was the perfect vision of a lady. She was coy, terribly beautiful, polite, and gentle. Her laugh was like a bell ringing, and she adored everything associated with parties and engagements and all those other things ladies were supposed to enjoy. Alice was none of those things. She was simply curious and defiant. Hardly, the formula that made up the proper lady. Still, Alice was happy with herself. Wasn't that what truly mattered anyway?

"Maybe I'm being stubborn," she said. "After all, it could simply be a birthday party."

Alice, however, didn't think so.

With a sigh, Alice moved away from her bedroom window (for she had been in her bedroom all this time) and decided she needed some air. It felt like the walls were closing in on her, and she needed to escape soon or risk the chance of going mad. It just wouldn't do to go mad at such a young age, not when she had so many other things she would rather experience first.

She kept her footsteps light as she exited the quite comfort of her bedroom and made her way through the house. She didn't want anyone to catch her when she was so close to escaping for a few hours. Alice needed some time away from last minute party preparations. It was so tedious and ridiculous. It didn't make any sense to her why anyone would go through such trouble for only a few hours. She had a feeling that it would never make any sense to her either. She simply was not wired to think the way her mother and sister thought.

Her feet carried her down into the foyer and then out the door to where freedom awaited her. She hadn't realized what a lovely day it was until she was finally apart of it. The temperature was just right, and she was reminded of a day a long time ago when she had dreamed of falling down a rabbit hole. How silly she had been then to think it was possible for such a thing to occur! Yet, silly as it seemed, she had never quite been able to forget about it.

Some nights she would sit and ponder the possibility of another world like Wonderland existing. It was a ridiculous notion, but to Alice, it almost seemed like a reality. Besides, she felt as if something was there inside of her tugging her closer and closer to the idea being a truth. Maybe she wanted it to be true just so her own reality would make a little more sense. Either way, she couldn't give up the idea even if she never spoke of it anymore.

As she was thinking, her feet carried her to the old shade tree where that strange little rabbit had appeared all those years ago. It was as if her subconscious were pulling her there, and Alice didn't even notice until she standing underneath the leaves.

She had decided to sit and rest for a bit when she saw something white out of the corner of her eye. At first, she decided to ignore it. After all, there were many things that could be white outside. Though she couldn't think of any at the moment, she was sure they existed. It wasn't until she saw the little flash again that she began to wonder.

"How curious," she said.

She glanced up toward the house wondering if she should follow the flash. A little bit of exploring couldn't hurt. She wouldn't be gone terribly long, and it would be all right if she were a bit late for dinner. Besides, going back now meant more talk of parties, and that was the last thing Alice wanted any part in.

With one last glace at the house, Alice dashed off after the white flash. It didn't take her long to catch up. She had barely taken more than ten steps when she came face to face (well as close as you can come with a rabbit) to the White Rabbit. He didn't seem to notice her at first, and then, his eyes widened and he began to twitch.

"You're terribly late!" He squeaked at her. "No time to waste!"

"What?" Alice was momentarily taken aback. "What do you mean I'm late?"

"No time! No time!" he cried before dashing off.

Alice was now very confused. She wasn't sure what she had been expecting, but it wasn't this. Without stopping to think, Alice chased after the Rabbit. He darted easily between the bushes and was not tripped by any of the roots or weeds, but Alice found herself struggling a bit to keep up as they moved steadily deeper into the woods behind her house. As she ran, she thought she could hear the White Rabbit muttering to himself a little ways ahead of her.

"Mr. White Rabbit!" she called. "Where are we going?"

He did not answer her. He only continued at his frantic pace until they arrived in front of a tiny rabbit hole. Alice's first thought was that she would never fit. Her second thought was that she should be completely against the idea of jumping down a rabbit hole in the first place. Proper young ladies did not jump down rabbit holes. Alice, however, had never really been a proper young lady. Still, she was sure that jumping down rabbit holes defied more than more rule.

The White Rabbit ultimately made her decision for her. Frantic to make it back, he nudged her ankles rather forcefully, which caused Alice to momentarily lose her balance. This tiny slip was all she needed to fall head first down the rabbit hole. She only had one thought as she fell. At least, she would miss the party.

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Well, there's chapter one. I know it might seem a little slow and generic right now, but I promise things will pick up soon. Please review! 


	2. Black Holes

I'm back! I know it's been so long, but school does get in the way. Just think of this as a Thanksgiving Day present. I hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. :)

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As Alice should have remembered, Wonderland has always been a terribly unpredictable place. Anything stemming from the wonders of a child's imagination must be so, and logic and reason can be nothing but strangely absent and possibly forgotten all together. After all, logic and reason are as foreign to a child as imagination is foreign to an adult. Since Alice, unfortunately for her in this particular circumstance, was closer to an adult than a child, she had attempted to use reason and logic to explain her current situation in the rabbit hole.

If one fell into a rabbit hole, the next logical step would be to fall. Alice had rather been expecting it, especially since it had happened on her previous trip. Yet, this time something was very different. Instead of falling, Alice found herself suspended in complete darkness. She was neither moving upward nor downward, simply suspended in such dense darkness that she could not even see her hand in front of her face. It was a most uncomfortable feeling, and Alice wondered how long she was to go on like this.

"Well," she said to no one, "this is a terribly uncomfortable position. I do hope I begin moving soon. It simply won't do to be stuck in a rabbit hole all afternoon."

The darkness was Alice's only response, and she resigned herself to a long wait. The minutes continued to tick by, and finally, the thought occurred to Alice that maybe she could be moving forwards or backwards. If one could not move up or down, who is to stay that one could not move forward or backward? After a few moments of thought, she decided she must have been going backwards this whole time because she could feel no wind on her face. As soon as Alice came to her conclusion, the rabbit hole was flooded with light.

Alice, momentarily shocked, let out a little yelp in surprise before her eyes adjusted to the new brightness. She was now whizzing through the rabbit hole, passing by all manner of things. There were teacups and clocks, furniture, chessboards and lemon tarts, books, bunny rabbits, a number of playing cards, and a number of other things one might find in their grandmother's attic. There were also dozens of colors swirling around her: greens, purples, blues, oranges, reds, and pinks. It was enough to make Alice's head spin, and she snapped her eyes shut to keep from getting sick.

On and on she went past all manner of things until finally she was thrust upward out into blinding sunlight. Alice hesitated for a moment before opening her eyes to a brightly colored garden. She had never seen such bright flowers before, but not only were there flowers. There were fruit trees with apples, pears, peaches, lemons, and oranges. Rows of strawberries lined the left side of her vision, and to the right rows and rows of vividly purple grapes stretched on for what looked like miles. Behind her were the largest watermelons she had ever seen, and beyond that looked like miles and miles of never-ending forests of brilliant green.

Alice had never experienced anything quite like this before, and she felt the familiar tug of curiosity against her skirt as she finally stood. She didn't know what to examine first. It was rather unsettling for a moment, and then, Alice decided it would be best to get a nice look at the fruit trees. She was beginning to feel a little hungry (it was past dinnertime), and fruit did not seem like a terribly bad choice for a snack.

Hesitating for only a moment, Alice walked closer to the nearest tree. She was surprised to find, since she hadn't noticed before, that this tree held more than one type of fruit. There were apples, oranges, and pears all peacefully co-existing together. She turned to the left to see the same thing, except this time it was lemons, peaches, and bananas.

"How odd!" Alice said. "How is that possible?"

Mulling the thought over, Alice inspected every tree near her. Each tree held a variety of different fruits almost like one big rainbow in the form of a tree. She even found to her great surprise a gumdrop tree. Every color was represented, and each gumdrop was wrapped in different color wax paper.

This was all very strange to Alice. It was almost like she did not remember Wonderland from all those years ago. If she had been a child, she would have felt blissfully at home, but the tiny, curious little child seemed to be strangely absent. Instead, Alice could only marvel at the sights before her with all of the bewilderment, doubt, and contempt of an adult. It was different and mysterious, but she could not bring herself to feel the thrill of adventure, that wonderful sensation of stepping into the unknown. It was as if that part of her were missing completely. Alice could only stare.

"Oh my!" she exclaimed. "I've never seen anything so unusual before. Gumdrops don't grow on trees."

"We don't?" a squeaky voice said somewhere above her. "Where do we grow then?"

"I don't know," replied another squeaky voice. "Should we move then?"

"Of course not," said another with a bit more authority than the other two. "We've been here long enough. Let her grow somewhere else!"

Alice, startled, quickly jerked her head up to stare at the gumdrops in the tree. None of them were moving, and she questioned whether she had even heard those voices at all. Hesitating, she finally decided to speak.

"I beg your pardon," Alice began, "but did one of you speak just now?"

"I beg your pardon," one of the yellow gumdrops said with a mocking tone. "I beg your pardon? Not the brightest fruit is she?"

"No," said a red one. "I dare-say she's not."

"Yes," said the lone purple one toward the bottom of the tree. "She doesn't look like a very appetizing one either. She's a very funny color."

"What?" Alice cried for she was also dressed in purple. "We're the same color! How could I possibly look any different from you?"

If Alice had stopped for a moment, she would have realized just how silly it was to argue with a piece of candy. Of course they would look different. Alice, however, did not like to be insulted (that had not changed much since she was a little girl) and tried to think of various angles to use so the argument would end in her favor. The candy seemed to be doing the same thing.

"Well, dear," the purple one began, "it's not just your color. You're shaped rather oddly, too. "

The purple gumdrop said this in a way to suggest that Alice was shaped rather oddly compared to the perfect shape of the candy. Alice did not take kindly to this at all, but before she could respond, one of the bright blue gumdrops spoke.

"How did you get here?" the candy asked. "I've never seen you before."

"Well, I fell down the rabbit hole," Alice began before pausing for thought, "if you could actually call it falling. It was more like walking backwards…except I wasn't walking. I'm not really sure what was happening actually. You see, I was just sitting there in darkness for such a long time, and then I suddenly started moving, but everything was so bright…and I was moving so fast I had to shut my eyes. Then, when I opened my eyes, I was here."

"She must be mad," one of the green gumdrops said to an orange one. "She's talking nonsense now."

"But I'm not!" said Alice. "The White Rabbit pushed me into the rabbit hole!"

Alice had forgotten about the White Rabbit until that exact moment. Now she wondered where he had disappeared. It was terribly rude to just leave her there in the garden all alone. Maybe he was still in the rabbit hole suspended in darkness, or maybe he had found his way out more quickly than she. He, obviously, traveled by rabbit holes more often.

"Stark-raving mad!" the purple gumdrop called out gleefully. "I knew the moment I saw her!"

"I'm not mad!" Alice said a bit more forcefully. "I didn't mean to disturb you, but I was rather hungry and then I…."

"Rather hungry!" the gumdrops cried. "Rather hungry?"

"Well, I wasn't going to eat you." Alice said.

This, as Alice would soon find out, was not the appropriate thing to say. Instantly, chaos erupted in the garden. The gumdrops began shouting, and then all the other trees began doing the same. The next thing Alice knew all manner of things were being thrown in her direction. Peanuts and pecans began whizzing past her head, and she was almost hit twice by a large coconut. The grapes were lashing out at her with their vines, and the watermelons rolled viciously toward her.

"I didn't mean any harm!" Alice cried.

It was too late, and Alice decided it was best to just leave the garden. Dodging what looked like a piece of a thorn bush, Alice dashed toward the brilliantly colored forest hoping to find refuge there. This was a terrible mess, and she thought suddenly of being back in England seated in the parlor for afternoon tea. It was a lovely thought until the image of William Fortsworth appeared before her carrying a cup of tea and shackles, a sinister grin on his handsome face. The idea of this made Alice run even faster, as if he would magically appear in the garden to join in the chaos. Faced with him or an angry garden, Alice would rather choose the garden.

Alice ran for what felt like a very long time. Deeper and deeper into the forest she went until she finally came to a fork in the dirt path. In the center of the split, there was one long pole with four signs attached to it. Two pointed to the left, and two pointed to the right. Two of the signs seemed like complete gibberish to Alice, but she recognized the names on the other two. The one pointing to the left said Mad Hatter, and the one pointing to the right said March Hare. The brief memory of a dysfunctional tea party flashed before Alice's eyes, and she wished to go straight. Going straight, however, would mean leaving the path. With a sigh, Alice decided to go right towards the March Hare. It was only June, after all, and there might not be a tea party today.

Feeling more confident, Alice started down the path.

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Thank you so much to everyone that reviewed last time! It really made my day. :) Once again, reviews are welcomed!


	3. And Revelations

I've just lost all inspiration for this story. I don't know what happened. I guess my imagination followed Alice down the rabbit hole and took a wrong turn. I'm still going to keep writing, but I just feel like the quality is terrible. I do have big plans. I just wish my muse would come back so I could really capture what I see in my head. To everyone who is still reading, thank you so much! I really appreciate all of the kind words. Thanks for letting me entertain you!

PS. I know the last chapter was kind of dull, but I promise the garden is going to be important. Please have patience. We can't always have instant gratification, can we? Also, our dear Hatter will be making an appearance very soon.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing.

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Wonderland is a strange and wondrous place. As adults, we could never see and experience the essence of such a place because our imaginations seem to have suddenly disappeared. We do not allow ourselves to really see what is in front of us, and instead, we choose to ignore truths to fulfill the more logical areas of our minds. It is a great injustice to our own souls that we cannot see what children see so freely everyday.

Alice seemed to be suffering from the same condition. All around her, the world was alive. The trees whispered to one another. The birds sang such terribly beautiful songs, and the flowers swayed to the different melodies around them. Life existed on every inch of ground. It was not just dirt and grass, but a vast world co-existing together to create something beautiful. She, however, did not notice any of this. All she could think about were her aching feet and the darkness steadily settling over her.

Alice felt as if she had been walking for an eternity. Since the fiasco in the garden, she had started on her journey and dared not look back. Now, she continued down the long dirt path hoping to find a place to rest very soon. She would not dare rest in the forest, as she feared the unknown that awaited her there. Instead, she hoped to find a clearing or something of the sort to take a short nap.

A short nap sounded like a splendid idea. Alice, however, wondered if it would just remain an idea and never become reality. Really, reality was beginning to blur for Alice. Maybe it was because she was exhausted, but something about Wonderland felt very different to her. It had lost a certain surrealism, and instead was replaced with a glaring realism. She did not feel as if she had fallen into a dream, but her mind would not let her accept that she could really be in a place such as the one in which she currently existed.

Perhaps it was due to the lateness of the evening, but Alice was beginning to wonder, as she traveled by the endless trees, if she was existing in more than one place at every moment.

The idea was so strange to her, but a tiny voice in the back of her mind urged her to accept this tiny truth. It almost felt that if she accepted this, something unique would happen. It was rather hard for Alice to explain, but she felt as though a part of her were missing, almost as if she wasn't completely whole. As silly as it sounded, the thought had been nagging at her for a terribly long time.

Alice let her mind wander as she continued past the brilliantly green trees that stretched on into the quickening darkness. As a child, she had let her mind wander quite often. Her imagination had been endless taking her on long adventures to anywhere. She had sailed with pirates on a glittering ocean, fought among toy soldiers to defend the queen, and flew to an island where no one ever becomes an adult. Now, she could not imagine thinking any of those things.

"How silly I was," Alice said.

For a time, her mother and sister had found her stories very amusing. They had encouraged young Alice to seek adventure, and the curious child had embraced it with all of her heart. No one had told her that one day she would have to grow up and leave her dream world behind. No one said that the sweet innocence of childhood would fade only to be replaced with the cold, calculating thoughts of an adult. Some nights Alice wondered if it would have been better to know the truth from the beginning. Perhaps, it would not have hurt as much when she was not allowed to pretend anymore.

Alice took a moment to stop on the endless stretch of road. She did not think her feet could carry her another step, and the tiniest feeling of despair begin to creep into her chest. She could not stay on the road for the rest of the night. It was too dangerous, whether she was dreaming or not. Still, Alice could only see two possible options. She could either keep traveling or stop and rest. Neither one looked very promising.

"This is a rather difficult situation," Alice whispered into the darkness. "I'm terribly afraid to be so alone in such a foreign place."

"A foreign place?" a strange voice said.

Alice jumped at this new sound. She spun quickly expecting to find some dangerous creature ready to devour her, but to her great surprise, she was completely alone. The now familiar trees were her only company.

"Where are you?" Alice said. She tried to keep her voice level and steady. "Why are you hiding?"

The voice was familiar to Alice in some way. It was almost a whisper, lazy and passive. A curious mischief seemed to hide underneath the voice's words, and Alice had the sudden suspicion that in this voice a great joke was being held, just out of Alice's grasp.

"Hiding?" it said. "I wouldn't call it hiding."

The voice now seemed to be coming from a different direction. Squinting into the almost pitch black forest, Alice thought she could make out the odd smile of some creature. Like the voice, this creature's smile was also oddly familiar. Alice, however, could not seem to remember to whom the smile or voice belonged. It was all so frustrating to her. She did not like to feel confused or frightened, and at the present moment, she felt both emotions rather strongly.

"Well, what would you call it then?" Alice asked.

There was a hiss-like laugh, and then two yellow eyes appeared above the smile followed by a rather feline nose.

"You two are quite different," the voice said. "Equally mad, but we're all mad here."

The voice began to giggle, and Alice squinted even more toward the sound.

"Please," Alice began. "Who is mad?"

"Why, you are, of course," the voice replied.

There was another giggle, and then a tail began swishing back and forth below a tree branch.

"I am not mad!" Alice said. This was the second time she had been accused of being mad that day, and she was rather flustered because of it. "Please. It's not my intention to be rude, but could you please tell me what's happening?"

"I suppose I could," the voice replied. "However, that would eliminate the fun."

"I don't find any of this to be fun!"

There was another fit of giggles, and then the smile disappeared. Alice momentarily panicked until she found herself staring straight into the eyes of the Cheshire Cat. He was now suspended in mid-air hovering right in front of Alice with the same maniacal smile stretched across his purple face.

"Don't you see?" he asked her lazily. "You don't find anything to be fun."

Alice felt this to be an absurd statement. How could she have any fun in her current situation? In fact, she could not understand how anyone could possibly have fun at a time like the present one. She thought to argue, but then decided, based on the events in the garden, that it might be better to just ignore the Cat's previous statement. If Alice's memory was correct, the Cheshire Cat could be terribly frustrating. Now was not the time to argue.

"I'm afraid I don't understand," Alice replied. "Perhaps… you could help me."

"Of course I could help," the Cat said.

Alice felt a wave of relief wash over her at the Cat's words.

"Thank you!" she said.

"But… I'm not here to help you," he replied. Still grinning, he twisted his head a complete one hundred and eighty degrees. "You have to see."

"See what?" Alice asked.

"My dear Alice," the Cat replied, "don't you think, though I'm not convinced that you think at all, that you've lost something?"

This statement took Alice by complete surprise. For a moment, she could not speak, and the Cheshire Cat gave a gleeful laugh as though his current mission had been accomplished. Alice, who did not like to be laughed at, felt a little bubble of anger growing inside of her.

"I haven't lost anything!" Alice exclaimed.

The Cat disappeared momentarily, and then reappeared in the tree closest to where Alice stood resting his great purple body on the lowest tree branch.

"A few words of warning," he said in his lazy way. "Enjoy the colors. In the morning, they might all just fade away."

"Fade away?" Alice said. "What do you mean?"

As she spoke, the Cheshire began fading before her eyes. First, his tail disappeared followed by his body until only his smile remained.

"Remember," the smile said. "Look for the colors."

With another maniacal laugh, his smile faded into the darkness, and Alice was left staring at the spot where the Cheshire Cat had been only moments before. The small feeling of hope she had at his arrival was now fading away to be replaced with frustration and despair. She was so angry, and giant teardrops were threatening to spill from her eyes.

"How mean he is!" Alice said.

She quickly wiped at her eyes, and then continued onward into the darkness. Above her, the stars had appeared now twinkling in the velvet night sky.

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I hope you enjoyed this chapter! To me, it felt a little rushed and was too short, but I just couldn't squeeze anything else out, and I wanted to wait to reveal a few other things. Things may be confusing right now, but it will all be revealed in time. I know we still haven't seen the Hatter, but Alice has a few more things to discover before he finally appears. Once again, thank you so much for reading! Please review. I don't want to beg, but I really need feedback right now.


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